This is probably why I don't fall in-love very often. It's incredibly hard to make it stop. The feeling in-love.
And I had to go off and fall in-love with one of my closest friends. And so the person I want to talk to about all of this...about how hard it is, about how sad I am, about how much I wanted this to work...he's exactly who I can't talk to.
Not because he wouldn't listen. He would. Not because he wouldn't be compassionate. He would. But because I can't make myself anymore vulnerable to him than I already have.
And then there's that stupid hope. I want to kick it in the face.
Not all hope. Just the hope that he's going to actually figure his shit out and realize how good this could be if he'd let go of his baggage. I want to kick that hope in the face.
I hear you. At least my guy is far away, so I don't have to go through seeing him in person. But the emails, Skype conversations, Twitter DMs still keep him around enough for me to wish he were really *around*. It doesn't help that everyone is always asking me for updates, because they know we're still in touch.
ReplyDeleteI have the hope issue, too. The ridiculous hope that he'll decide that he's had his fill of adventure, done what he needed to do, and realized that we had something too special to give up on. It's ridiculous, and never gonna happen. I just can't quite seem to convince my heart of it just yet.