Great day in a lot of ways. Not so perfect in others.
I handled both works well. All my classes went well. Better than expected, actually. Even after getting thrown off by a students long, long story in my last class. I'm even still on track.
Also found out I'm getting partially funded for my NYC trip next month. Need to start getting things lined up for that. I should be leaving in one month.
The audio job went fairly well, too. I got some criticism from my boss that was delivered well and I took it well, and we're trying to problem solve together. Part of my problem is that I am working too many hours and not getting everything done. (Note: I am not paid hourly.) So. I need help. Or a window of time to do nothing but get caught up.
I went to dinner with friends this evening. Had a really good time and lots of fun chatting and delicious food. But it was 'bad for me food.' I decided it'd be an experiment to see if Lact-aid (sp?) would help with my lactose intolerance. Excitingly, it did! And I got to eat fettucini alfredo!!! And then come home and eat ice cream!!! So. Yay dairy! Yay lactaid! Not so yay feeling like a fat ass. I did well all day up until dinner.
Dinner is pretty much my downfall.
I think it's gonna have to be the exception to go out for dinner. And the rule to stay in. And make healthy things. I've got breakfast and lunch down no problem.
Also. I told Diane this blog exists. I should send her the link.
Tomorrow I plan on working 10-6:30pm. There will be various breaks, but I can take my 'chromebook' and work some before and after breaks if needed. I want to walk in the morning but am not gonna force an early rise. It's not getting really hot until after noon or so, I should be fine. I also need to write two quizzes and a handout tomorrow for school.
I'm feeling less lost.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Monday, September 16, 2013
Been a long while
Over two years.
In that time I gained a hell of a lot of weight back and had back surgery. The former had quite a bit to do with the latter.
And it's time to get my shit back together. I find always turn to blogging/writing when I reach this point. Hopefully that's a good thing and it will help.
I can run for the first time in a year next week. Doctor approved, safe running.
I need to start making better choices. That's what it all comes down to. Some say fate. Some say chance. I think it's a choice by choice thing.
And I need to make better ones.
About the way I eat (too much and not the right things), the way I think (pessimist overload), the way I sleep (a lot, but not well), and the way I work (too damn much and not in a time structured way.)
When I feel good I tend to make better choices.
I don't feel good.
Which means I need to make different choices.
Chicken and the egg.
Don't tell anyone, but if I started running a week and two days early....it wouldn't matter so much, would it?
It'd be a choice.
Right now I'm going to choose to do some prep reading for class tomorrow. I'm going toget coffee ready for breakfast. I'm going to make my lunch. I'm going to clean the litterbox; brush my teeth; wash my face; meditate for 10 minutes and be in bed by 10:30pm. Asleep by 11pm.
Up at 7am gives me time for a walk. Up at 6 time for a run. (But is that a choice I should make just yet?)
In that time I gained a hell of a lot of weight back and had back surgery. The former had quite a bit to do with the latter.
And it's time to get my shit back together. I find always turn to blogging/writing when I reach this point. Hopefully that's a good thing and it will help.
I can run for the first time in a year next week. Doctor approved, safe running.
I need to start making better choices. That's what it all comes down to. Some say fate. Some say chance. I think it's a choice by choice thing.
And I need to make better ones.
About the way I eat (too much and not the right things), the way I think (pessimist overload), the way I sleep (a lot, but not well), and the way I work (too damn much and not in a time structured way.)
When I feel good I tend to make better choices.
I don't feel good.
Which means I need to make different choices.
Chicken and the egg.
Don't tell anyone, but if I started running a week and two days early....it wouldn't matter so much, would it?
It'd be a choice.
Right now I'm going to choose to do some prep reading for class tomorrow. I'm going to
Up at 7am gives me time for a walk. Up at 6 time for a run. (But is that a choice I should make just yet?)
Monday, October 31, 2011
Gap
Remembered this evening a dream I had at some point this week, maybe even last night after the crazy atomic dream, about my teeth.
Someone was making fun of my gap teeth.
Which happened fairly often when I was a kid. Pre-braces. Always bothered me so much.
In my dream it didn't bother me it at all.
Someone was making fun of my gap teeth.
Which happened fairly often when I was a kid. Pre-braces. Always bothered me so much.
In my dream it didn't bother me it at all.
More.
Was working in a hospital. And I knew it was going to either blow up or be infected with something or that something horrible was going to happen. Someone told me secretly. Or I figured it out. Or both. And then I managed to escape by running outside in the nick of time and the ocean was right there so I ran into it and new I'd be safe.
After I met up with Steve somehow and we kept trying to figure out what i was going to to do with my life now. I was going to sell two houses and buy one. And things needed to be copied from a laptop but we knew there was an infection on it so we had to wait until it healed. We knew it would, just not when.
Everything was very vivid, and dark, and there were a lot of angry people...especially the people who were trying to infect/blow up the hospital and didn't want anyone to know. Also something about radiation? that the building was going to start holding radiation, but they kept telling us we'd be okay, but I knew we wouldn't. This was after the first blowup/infection there. It's all getting swirly in my head now. Back to bed.
After I met up with Steve somehow and we kept trying to figure out what i was going to to do with my life now. I was going to sell two houses and buy one. And things needed to be copied from a laptop but we knew there was an infection on it so we had to wait until it healed. We knew it would, just not when.
Everything was very vivid, and dark, and there were a lot of angry people...especially the people who were trying to infect/blow up the hospital and didn't want anyone to know. Also something about radiation? that the building was going to start holding radiation, but they kept telling us we'd be okay, but I knew we wouldn't. This was after the first blowup/infection there. It's all getting swirly in my head now. Back to bed.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Another dream
Went to bed drunkish.
Slept hard through the night.
Woke up around 6am to let Bailey out. When I went back to bed I had one of "those" dreams.
My parents were still alive again.
My mom was gradually getting sicker. And like me in real life, she kept eating and eating and eating throughout the dream and I knew that if she got heavier she'd get sicker, too, and I was so worried about that. And then we knew (Steve, Dad, me) that we had to clean house. Something about her being sick meant we had to clean out the entire house, repaint the walls, and then move back in. Part of my job was to clean out the refrigerator. BUT there were like 10 of them. And there were a lot of greens to throw away and the trash got too full so I decided to compost it all when I noticed all of these beds of beautifual rich soil...so I put the greens on top of them.
And then all these people showed up. I didn't know any of them and couldn't tell if they were there to throw out there trash, help me with my trash, or to steal the good stuff we had.
And then I had to make a pilgrimage to somewhre. Like Lufkin. And I had to walk. with all these people, and there were some really steep hills and I couldn't get up there so we made human chains and helped each other up. When I woke up that was the first thing I thought about, "I'm so glad I could just drive to Lufkin if I wanted."
I remember talking to my dad about how my mom was doing with the news she was getting sicker. And he said she was going in and out of reality. That she'd be sad and crying and then get more upset and talk about all the things she needed to do. This is when dad thought she was out of reality, but you know, probably not. These were her (my?) regrets. All the things she wanted to do, but couldn't now.
And then we started talking about Thanksgiving and I said I'd just make the whole meal (I usually did after she got sick) and then Steve said we should just go out to a restaurant instead. I don't remember how I felt about that in the dream.
Slept hard through the night.
Woke up around 6am to let Bailey out. When I went back to bed I had one of "those" dreams.
My parents were still alive again.
My mom was gradually getting sicker. And like me in real life, she kept eating and eating and eating throughout the dream and I knew that if she got heavier she'd get sicker, too, and I was so worried about that. And then we knew (Steve, Dad, me) that we had to clean house. Something about her being sick meant we had to clean out the entire house, repaint the walls, and then move back in. Part of my job was to clean out the refrigerator. BUT there were like 10 of them. And there were a lot of greens to throw away and the trash got too full so I decided to compost it all when I noticed all of these beds of beautifual rich soil...so I put the greens on top of them.
And then all these people showed up. I didn't know any of them and couldn't tell if they were there to throw out there trash, help me with my trash, or to steal the good stuff we had.
And then I had to make a pilgrimage to somewhre. Like Lufkin. And I had to walk. with all these people, and there were some really steep hills and I couldn't get up there so we made human chains and helped each other up. When I woke up that was the first thing I thought about, "I'm so glad I could just drive to Lufkin if I wanted."
I remember talking to my dad about how my mom was doing with the news she was getting sicker. And he said she was going in and out of reality. That she'd be sad and crying and then get more upset and talk about all the things she needed to do. This is when dad thought she was out of reality, but you know, probably not. These were her (my?) regrets. All the things she wanted to do, but couldn't now.
And then we started talking about Thanksgiving and I said I'd just make the whole meal (I usually did after she got sick) and then Steve said we should just go out to a restaurant instead. I don't remember how I felt about that in the dream.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Dreams
I don't know who reads here anymore, if anyone, but I need to write this down quickly before I forget so here goes.
Last night I lit my cleansing candle and wrote out all my intentions. Basically asking for light, peace, clean energy, and love. And to shoo away all the negative energy I seem to be carrying with me lately.
Toni warned me I might have odd dreams.
Not sure if it was the candle or the power of suggestion, but holy cow.
I dreamed that the drought was getting much worse. There was very little water left anywhere, and the world was becoming dehydrated. Everyone was getting sick. I, though, was somehow okay.
But. I was at Mom and Dad's house, where Nana and Smiley used to live. The last house. And I knew they were in the living room. Arguing about something. They seemed very out of it, almost drunk. And I kept trying to turn the lights on, but none were working. A radio was playing and I kept switching the station between country music and jazz. And then dad started to lose his limbs. And he was very skinny. First his arm and then a leg. And I'd somehow drain all the liquid out of the limbs and give it to them to drink. Then I had this realization that they were going to die. So I called 911, and it was just some body there. Not a real 911 operator. And she said she'd send the bus to come get them, and that there were records on the bus...everyone's health records...so I didn't have to worry about remembering all their medications/blood type/etc. The bus got there and Dad tried to stand up to walk out to the bus but realized he couldn't walk with only one leg...and hadn't realized he'd lost any limbs. I helped get him on the bus, and mom...no idea where Steve was during all this...and as soon as they got on the bus I ended up out at the lake, just flash I was there. And I knew this was where the bus was coming to get water for the people on it. And there was a big family eating lunch around a picnic table. White trash kinda family. Also all very thin, sickly, and seeming to be drunk. I kept waiting for the bus...a long red one...to come, but it didn't. And instead I kept watching the water drain out of the lake.
Last night I lit my cleansing candle and wrote out all my intentions. Basically asking for light, peace, clean energy, and love. And to shoo away all the negative energy I seem to be carrying with me lately.
Toni warned me I might have odd dreams.
Not sure if it was the candle or the power of suggestion, but holy cow.
I dreamed that the drought was getting much worse. There was very little water left anywhere, and the world was becoming dehydrated. Everyone was getting sick. I, though, was somehow okay.
But. I was at Mom and Dad's house, where Nana and Smiley used to live. The last house. And I knew they were in the living room. Arguing about something. They seemed very out of it, almost drunk. And I kept trying to turn the lights on, but none were working. A radio was playing and I kept switching the station between country music and jazz. And then dad started to lose his limbs. And he was very skinny. First his arm and then a leg. And I'd somehow drain all the liquid out of the limbs and give it to them to drink. Then I had this realization that they were going to die. So I called 911, and it was just some body there. Not a real 911 operator. And she said she'd send the bus to come get them, and that there were records on the bus...everyone's health records...so I didn't have to worry about remembering all their medications/blood type/etc. The bus got there and Dad tried to stand up to walk out to the bus but realized he couldn't walk with only one leg...and hadn't realized he'd lost any limbs. I helped get him on the bus, and mom...no idea where Steve was during all this...and as soon as they got on the bus I ended up out at the lake, just flash I was there. And I knew this was where the bus was coming to get water for the people on it. And there was a big family eating lunch around a picnic table. White trash kinda family. Also all very thin, sickly, and seeming to be drunk. I kept waiting for the bus...a long red one...to come, but it didn't. And instead I kept watching the water drain out of the lake.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
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